


Unconditional

by VisionaryGalaxy



Series: A Thousand Futures of Me and You [133]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Boys In Love, Communication, Don't copy to another site, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mistakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-08 22:10:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18903631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisionaryGalaxy/pseuds/VisionaryGalaxy
Summary: "When were you going to tell me?"





	Unconditional

   “When were you going to tell me?”

   Tony looked up from where he had been shifting papers back and forth for the past hour, trying and failing to find his blueprints for his pet project with increasing irritation. As it turned out, he had been wasting his time.

   Stephen stood in the doorway of the lab; expression unreadable while he waved the rolled-up blueprints at him.

   Tony’s stomach dropped. He didn’t know how Stephen got a hold of them, certain he had never left them sitting around, but the realization that he had, that Stephen now possessed his most shameful secret was making him weak in the knees with fear.

   “Its not what-”

   “Really?” Stephen interrupted sarcastically. “That’s your best line right now?”

   It wasn’t and but there was nothing else he could possibly say that would make this right. Stephen entered the room, walking slowly toward his workstation. His face was still heart-wrenchingly blank as he dropped them on the table and the paper unfurled all by itself, revealing the detailed plans and mechanisms that would make up a functional suppression collar.

   The pounding of his heart felt like a freight train going through his body, “I was never going to build it,” he stared at the man he loved, pleading for him to believe. “I would never have done that to you.”

   Stephen shook his head, “then why make the blueprints in the first place?”

   Tony’s hands gripped the table tightly, “I don’t…because I just wanted…I…” Stephen’s expression was brutal, unforgiving. His usually warm, vibrant eyes dulled with betrayal and Tony had nothing, nothing but the truth. “I needed it.”

   Stephen took a step back and Tony swore he felt the first crack snaking its way through his heart. His eyes stung with unshed tears and for the first time in his life he might have found something that couldn’t be fixed, something more precious then anything.

   “You needed it,” Stephen said, lips twisting. “You needed it to protect yourself, to protect the world.”

   “Stephen-”

   “Just in case.”

   That was the worst of it, the ugly truth of their situation. Stephen understood Tony’s nearly obsessive need to be prepared for anything, everything, knew him so god damn well that he didn’t even need Tony to explain it to him.

   Except that wasn’t all. One year and three months, they had been together for that long and Tony had convinced him that he’d been trying, to learn and accept magic instead of fearing it. This right here, the designs staring up at him was the proof of his lies. He had never learned to accept it, no instead, he found a way to control to, to keep it from getting him before he could get it.

   “I never would have used it on you.”

   He knew the moment the words were out that they were a mistake, Stephen’s eyes flashing with anger for the first time, “is that supposed to make it better?” he snapped. “That it isn’t me you’re doing it to? What about all the sorcerers in my care? What would they say if they knew the man I’m in love with, the man I fought to be with for months despite their opinions wanted to reduce them this way?”

   He was right up against the table now, leaning toward him, and Tony worked hard not to back away, to not simply start crying and begging forgiveness, it would get him nowhere, “what do you want me to do?”

   Stephen shook his head, retreating once more. Trembling fingers ran through his already disheveled hair as he paced a tight circle, and Tony hated the overwhelming feeling of helplessness that washed through him.

   He hadn’t made the collar with any particular intention behind it. He invented and he prepared and tried to make the world better. Staring down at the collar now, he didn’t know what he had been thinking. It wasn’t like with Ultron and his vision of seeing the entire world safe under their guardianship. The sorcerers weren’t the enemy even if Tony feared their magic.

   “I love you and I’m sorry,” Tony murmured the words.

   Sometimes there weren’t words or expressions for a situation no matter how hard you search for them and Tony liked to think, for all his many, many mistakes in life, he was starting to understand that the blunt truth was all you had, when everything else was slipping away.

   Stephen looked up at him and in a blink of an eye he changed. His posture drooped and his face grew older, wearier, exhaustion in every line, his own eyes becoming glassy as he whispered, “I know. You love me so god damn much and I know you do and that is why this hurts so much worse. Because you don’t trust me in the same way.”

   Maybe that was the truth, Tony honestly didn’t know. He was old enough to know that people rarely understood their own motivations half the time and the other half was superficial as they came. His instinct was to deny it, but the evidence suggested otherwise.

   He stared across at Stephen, both of them shadowed by the lighting in the lab and the space between them suddenly felt as though it were stretching miles and miles. Tony hated it and he hated that he kept ending up in the same place and he hated that he had sabotaged the best thing to ever happen to him.

   So, he did the only thing he could.

   Tony was not a man of words. Not unless they included charm, humor, or the occasional harsh sniping. No, he’d long been a man of action, show them you mean it or the words are nothing and they leave the person you’re giving them to feeling like a fool over and over.

   He reached out and grabbed the blueprints and under Stephen’s weary gaze, he balled them up and set them on fire at the edge of the metal table. They were thick, several papers deep as the design got more detailed and it crackled as the ink was inflamed.

   Next, he called out to Friday, “Project 485, magic suppression collars,” an array of plans lit up the air, holograms depicting research and prototype directions. “Terminate.”

   The slowly began to dissolve, the information seeping away at his command and being cleansed of his tech and history. It wasn’t enough, not nearly enough, but when he saw the shaky expression of gratitude there, he knew it had to be the right thing.

   When it had finally disappeared and the blueprints had turned to ash he looked back across at Stephen, hands shaking beneath the table as he spoke with as much conviction as he could muster, “I’m sorry. Sometimes when I’m down here, I build completely based on instinct, emotion. I build so I can feel comfortable and secure and so I can walk out of here feeling like I accomplished something. I didn’t consider the implications of the collar, what it would mean to sorcerers, especially if I weren’t the only one to get my hands on it.”

   Stephen came closer, those eyes, the ones that Tony would happily die staring into, watched him with uncertainty, “deleting it, its not enough. We both know its all in your head and if you ever feel threatened…”

   “I know,” Tony hesitated only a moment before reaching his hand out, palm up on the table. “It was a mistake. I’m not asking forgiveness where I don’t deserve it, I’m not asking you to trust me when I didn’t give it, but I will ask for the chance to earn you, just like I did the first time. I didn’t fight tooth and nail for you a year ago if I was going to give up because of this mistake.”

   Stephen’s breathing was uneven, his gaze tinged with a desperate kind of want and Tony hated reducing him to this. He knew how close Stephen was to walking away, he didn’t have only Tony and his own heart to consider, he had an entire organization on his back that he needed to take care of.

   It was the sweetest kind of relief to feel a trembling, scarred hand resting gently on his own. Tony gripped it tight, unwilling to let him go for even a second, tugging him closer to the table and barely containing the urge to round it and hold him in his arms. As it was, Tony barely contained a sob as he spoke, “I don’t deserve you.”

   Stephen shook his head and his expression finally broke, “Tony, I’ve told you once and I’ll tell you again. Deserving me has nothing to do with it, I love you because you are good and because you’re always trying.”

   It wasn’t forgiveness. Tony knew better then to expect it until he proved himself further with his actions, which he was already compiling a list of, but it was a good start on the road to recovering from yet another bump. Looking at Stephen’s shaky smile, Tony thought, not for the first time, this was love, the kind of unconditional, rough, compromising kind of love of his childhood dreams.


End file.
